Revision Exhibit

While I tried to create a story-like opening for Into the Woods, it fell flat due to the fact that the rest of the essay needed to be put towards the actual point of the story and not wasted on false wording. Because the beginning was never brought back into the story, it made the ending of the essay feel inconclusive. I thought it would be better just to cut it out completely instead of trying to add more and possibly making the essay too long or drag on to the point where no one would remember the important pieces behind it. Instead of opening with the story, I took tiny bits of it and opened with the second paragraph, adding two more sentences to make it a bit longer and a bigger chance for people to get pulled in. A lot of the wording in the sentences left them open for more ideas, and so it felt repetitive and not completely confident in the points I was trying to make. Instead I turned them all into closed thoughts, making the point stronger and easier to get. Better verb options were available and so the more common and relaxed verbs were exchanged for stronger wording. I felt like this was the most important piece to edit in the paper, being that if the beginning wasn’t strong enough, then the readers would not want to continue on, and would in turn miss out on an incredible story and possible new interest in musical theater. 

     It is coming upon bedtime for a young girl after a long day in the sun. Her mother brushes out the child‘s curly blond hair, tucks her into a nice warm bed and pulls up a chair to begin reading a book of fairytales. She already knows the stories that her mother is about to read to her; she has heard them every night. She cuddles up to her favorite doll, Cinderella. The plastic blue dress and hair of the doll are tousled with love. The little girl slowly drifts to sleep with a smile creeping across her cheeks, dimples barely showing, soaking in the lovely words of a handsome prince, a beautiful damsel in distress, and a perfect  happily ever after‘ ending as they buzz through her dreams. Beginning paragraph makes the ending inconclusive. Cut out beginning and start at second paragraph.

Every little girl has been raised on the romantically-induced delusion of fairytales and happy endings. Add in: The ideas of a handsome prince, damsel in distress, and fire breathing dragons are instilled in young minds before almost every bedtime. Yet, remove comma when people say the wordfairytales, most minds drift to Walt Disney and the entire collection of beautiful princess stories he has created. Add in: However what most people seem to forget is that none of these stories were ever created straight from Mr. Disney. But where exactly did Walt get his inspiration?

It‘s doubtful that any conscientious mother would pull out a book of the Brothers Grimm fairytales to soothe her child to sleep each night; usually a bedtime story does not revolve around the ideas of cutting off toes or heels, banishment to the desert, violent blindness, and cooking people in ovens,. period and so forth. Disney keeps everything harnesses everything into a glowing light of happy endings, while the Grimm Brothers create a juxtaposition world that is dark, cold, and possesses a touch of cruel reality. The Grimm brothers show karma, good winning over evil – without the sugar coating projected by Walt Disney –, and that not every story will have a beautiful ending. In the musical adaptation of many of their stories combined into one overall plot by composer Stephen Sondheim, Into the Woods allows the audience to follow the Brothers Grimm versions of the stories creates a reality world in the  midst of a fairytale using the Grimm Brothers’ stories.

New paragraph –For the first act, people are able to soak in the magical lifestyle of the characters and their troubles, avoiding the reality and becoming engrossed in the classic fairytale. It then follows them further to explore the consequences of the characters’ wishes and quests in the second act of the show.

The main characters are taken from the stories of Little Red Ridinghood (as Sondheim prefers to spell it), Jack and the Beanstalk, Rapunzel, and Cinderella, and are all tied together by the main story of a baker and his wife. Each character has a wish in the beginning: Cinderella wants to go to the prince’s festival, Jack hopes for his cow to produce milk, and the baker and his wife wish to have a child. The stories combine collide when the ugly, wicked witch arrives at the baker‘s house. She tells him the story of his own father and mother, who were forced to give her their first child, named Rapunzel. Although the first act follows the classic line up of the Grimm Brothers‘ stories, it also opens the walls for self-fulfillment and human nature as the characters travel into the woods to reach their dreams.

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